For 2015: Get nicer. Get smarter. Get better!

Like many of you, I no longer make New Year's resolutions. They are usually soon abandoned, followed closely by guilt and rationalization. (And then by an adult beverage or cookies or ice cream. Depending on the size of the resolution being marooned, it might be all three.)

Instead, I'm a big proponent of the "gets," all year long. We're not on this earth to stay the same! Whether 15 or 50, one of our most rewarding responsibilities during our lifetime is to keep gaining knowledge and skills...and most importantly, talents of the heart. Whatever makes us better friends, lovers, siblings, children, parents, partners, managers, business people, humans: that's where we need to be getting our "get" on.

Sometimes at year's end I run a quick mental video of the past year through my head, to assess what I learned, whether I helped enough where I could, what I know now that has moved me forward, what skills I gained or friends I've connected with that I didn't have a year ago. No matter how our previous year looks, there's always a shiny new one right in front of us. We don't have to make huge changes. It's the small ones, done well and repeatedly, that move the needle in the best way.

One of the simplest ways to get nicer, smarter and better is by following Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements - a phenomenal read for anyone. Wait, let me edit that! It's a must-read for everyone. Ruiz has these four recommendations for a richer, truer life: 

Be Impeccable with Your Word 

Don't Take Anything Personally 

Don't Make Assumptions 

Always Do Your Best

I wish I could live in perfect alignment with these agreements, but some days I fail miserably. Other days I hit the mark every time. Always, always, there is the option of rising to the occasion. And nowhere on that list does it say, "Stay exactly the same, year after year." 

I'm not unhappy with this year's mental video, though there are some things I could have done, or done better, and didn't. But this is a certainty: next year's will be remarkable. I know it will, because I've started production on it already. It's got a great supporting cast, multiple scene and costume changes, a terrific plot, some surprise twists, and a happy ending. 

See you here, a year from now, and maybe I'll recap it for you. And in the meantime, you deserve a magical year. May it be yours in 2015. 

© 2014 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie

Must Love Dogs

I'm starting to understand the dinner I sat through a couple of years ago where everyone but me talked about their dogs for a good thirty minutes (I was the only dogless guest). 

Me: nothing to contribute, incredulous at the conversation, looking down at my plate so I could roll my eyes in secret. Everyone else: talking about their pooches like they were their canine kids; kids that broke expensive pottery and then looked so heartbreakingly precious in their guilt, they were immediately forgiven. Kids that ate their own poop, peed on clothes, destroyed gardens, stole food from countertops, chewed through leashes...it sounded like they were all indulgent parents of gang members. But that was before I met Rocco. (If you've read my blog before, you might remember my dog-in-law from a previous post: I Fell in Love...And Doggone It, I Can't Forget Him) 

I just came back from a visit with Rocco. (Oh, yeah, my sister and brother-in-law and my niece and nephew were there, too. Did I forget to mention them?) And I want to announce to all my dog-lovin' friends that I GET IT. I get it that you'll let a dog slobber their DNA all over your face when you walk in the door. I get it that you'll let a dog take over a bed and nap not just on top of the bedspread, but in your sheets in the middle of the day. And I get it that you can surprise a dog in the act of chewing the insoles out of your favorite shoes and check your anger because he looks so freaking cute. So I guess that officially means I must love dogs. Who knew? I'm a dog person, after all these years!

I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine. It's not going to be easy breaking this news to my cat. She doesn't look nearly as adorable as Rocco when she's got her claws firmly attached to my forearm. 

© 2014 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie

Why Aren't You Married?

I'm on one of my visits to my sister's family (pre-Christmas, and timed to coincide with my newly nine-year-old niece's birthday) and she's hanging out in my room. "Why aren't you married?" she says. Ugh. I hate that question. It always feels like it has another question inside it that measures my value in some way.

So I told her the truth - I've had some really great boyfriends and two proposals, but nobody ever seemed like The One. And I always knew I had to have The One.

That didn't stop the queries. We had two more "sessions" over the last day and a half, and finally I asked, "J, why does this bother you so much?" She said, "I worry that you might be in a bad city sometime and someone might try to take your purse or hurt you, and if you had a husband he could protect you."

Oh. My. Gosh. This kid's heart is as big as Texas. I've got to stop thinking this question is saying anything but this: "I think you're so great, I love you so much, and I want you to be safe and happy." Yep, there's a whole lot of affection and care behind "Why aren't you married?"

Hey, you never know what's in store for the future...I might be in a bad city sometime and if I were married and someone tried to take my husband's wallet, I could be there to protect him.

© 2014 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie

Who Loves Ya, Baby? (I do.)

It's a few days before Thanksgiving, and in addition to planning out the menu for the Big Day in my mind, I'm also thinking about all the things I'm "gifted" with. I do this every morning, so Thanksgiving is an added prompt, but let me give you the rundown: the fact that I have transportation, shelter, and nutrition, of course. There's good health and good fortune (and the ability to cope when the fortune is not so good!). And in this moment, for this post, I want to focus on my family and friends...because I have the best, most loving, funny, kind, quirky, soulful people in my life.

There's a term I just learned about—"ubuntu"—that is supposed to have originated long ago in South Africa. I've seen a few definitions for it that are all lovely, such as "connection, community, and mutual caring for all," "human kindness," or "I am; because of you." The one I love best is a variation on that last one: “I am what I am because of who we all are.”

It also mirrors one of my very favorite quotes, that has become a guiding principle in my life. From George Eliot: “What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?” We're here to make each other better, to learn more, to do more, to grow our souls and hearts and minds. 

Thanksgiving is a time for us to take stock of what we have—and who we have!—that makes life so remarkable. It's also a time for us to ask what we can do for someone else; to ponder some changes we can make to ease someone else's journey; to consider how to raise our game to be a better friend, spouse, parent, sibling, child, relative, citizen, employee or employer; not just for a month or two, but for the rest of our lives. 

I know that I am who I am, that I have what surrounds me in material goods, that the level of  intelligence and humor and compassion I have reached is because of the people whose paths I have crossed, or who have walked beside me for a time. I share with you the concept of ubuntu in this holiday season, and thank you for the part you have played in my life: I am what I am because of who we all are. 

 
 

© 2014 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie

Are You a Clothes Whore?

Some years ago, I complimented my young co-worker, M, on her wardrobe. Every day, she was perfectly dressed, head to toe, and I always marveled at the consistent and appropriate fashion sense in one so new to the workforce. She shared with me later that she called her mother and said, "Mom, this woman from work, who I always thought was so nice, told me I'm a 'clothes whore' today." Her mother said, "M, do you think she meant 'clothes horse'?"

Well, I'm starting to think M was right the first time she quoted me. Having recruited a friend to help me pare down my closet recently, and in turn, having just helped another friend do the same thing to hers, there is some deep promiscuity inherent in the way we cannot be faithful to the clothes that suit us best. (I didn't mean to be punny, but hey... if the shoe fits, buy it in every color and heel height.)

I know what looks best on me. I KNOW. But I can't help buying things that are my fantasy wardrobe. (Ah, now I get it, guys! If you could put any group of players together, even though you know it's not humanly possible, that would be your dream. And if I could wear half of the clothes in my closet, even though I know it's not humanly possible, that would be MY dream.)

So every couple of years, I have to do a purge and get rid of the things that I bought for the taller, trendier, riskier Anita.  I sure like her clothes better than mine. But they've got to go, because she's taking up most of the space in our closet, that clothes whore.

© 2014 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie