I have an occasional problem when I try to leave a message on someone's phone. About 20 percent of the time, the voicemail system malfunctions, in one of three ways:
- It states, when I have barely said hello, "If you're satisfied with your message, press 1."
- It asks if I want to re-record my message—you know, the one that I didn't leave yet. OR...
- It says, 'Good-BYE," in that crisp, snotty, sing-song manner that 6th-grade girls use when they are done with you.
I know what's happening: Human Digital Tone Syndrome (HDTS). I'm pretty sure it's a real thing, and I swear on a stack of iPhones I have it. There's a timbre in my voice that carries across a library (and sometimes two or three libraries and a handful of churches), even when I'm using my tiniest whisper. I am convinced, based on the amount of times this message shutdown happens to me, that my voice approximates at least one of the digital tones that confuses cell phones
or office VM systems—and could probably set off global alarms if I'm not careful. I'm not alone, either - my friend Jill S. said it sometimes happens to her, and she's not half the loud talker that I am.
That's why I've started a GoFundMe account for those suffering from HDTS. Please give generously, and I promise your contributions will be used where they are needed most: to save all those potentially brilliant voicemails that are so sadly going unheard.
© 2015 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie
