She Twerks Hard for the Money

She growled, she scowled, she yowled. She vibrated and gyrated. She rolled her eyes and swiveled her hips and smacked her lips and threw back her waist-length orange braid extensions and told us all to twerk under the surface of the pool. And in between she did a few Arsenio "whoop-whoops" and spanked her behind while she rode an imaginary horse to Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy" and at least two Red Hot Chile Pepper songs.

I'm talking about my new Aqua Zumba teacher. She's ten pounds of crazy in a five-pound can! She's got a tummy that must be holding a few boxes of Mallomars (which made the rest of us feel pretty normal) and a rather, um, macho physique. In fact, until she showed us how she wanted us to jump up in the water by holding herself up on the bars of the pool ladder, raising her knees, and positioning her feet 24 inches apart, I wasn't completely certain she was a girl. (I'm still wavering on that point.)

But I must say, this morning I was taken to school in the water! We churned it up. If that pool were filled with cream, we would have had butter at the end of the class. And then we added water weights! And my arms hurt afterward!

Yes, I like this teacher. She is a circus act in the best possible way, and a tough drill sergeant. This class is not for sissies - it's for people who can wear hair extensions like a weapon, and channel their inner horse.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see about getting some orange braids. Right after I get fitted for a saddle.

© 2014 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie