Tomorrow, I'm having that procedure where they do the thing that nobody wants to talk about. Today's my clear liquids day, so I took my list of acceptable items to the grocery store and when I came home, I noticed that all my packages were green and yellow. So I've decided that I'm having a coloroscopy instead. One of my friends says I over-analyze everything (but I'm convinced that's just because he never comes out ahead when I turn my lens on him). However, it is true that I'm a serial researcher, so I went online to find out everything that would make this easier or more effective or faster. Because I SO want to be on the other side of this at the earliest possible moment.
You can drink anything that you can read a newspaper through. Or shine a light through. (Gin and vodka not included.) That doesn't have red, blue, or purple coloring. Or that might impede the doctor's sightseeing on his or her journey. (Poor doctor. Isn't it great to be asleep for this whole event? I bet the doctor would prefer to sleep through it, too.)
So here's what I'm pretty sure is going to unfold. As soon as I start "the process," someone will offer me tickets to a Reba McIntyre concert tonight. Or Nordstrom's will contact me to say I won a $5,000 shopping spree that's good until midnight. And if that happens, I'm ready to turn down any options that come my way, because I have big plans. I'm going to read the paper through my Welch's white grape juice and 7UP. And then I'm going to shine a light through my chicken broth and lime Jello. I'm going to be very, very busy. Getting ready for that procedure where they do the thing that nobody wants to talk about.
© 2014 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie
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