Get Thee to a Pumpkinnery

What happened to you, Pumpkin? You used to show up in mild force in the fall. You entered quietly, with an orange elegance; the plumpest member of the squash family. We saw you in only two places: in crudely but happily carved orbs on our neighbors' porches, and as the crowning glory of our Thanksgiving meals.

But now you're shamelessly hawking yourself everywhere, like a reality star gone mad. What kind of merch deals are you making, anyhow? You're letting Glade pimp out your pumpkin scent, you're swirling yourself like a drunk coed into Pepperidge Farm bread, you're in Jello and Chobani and Kashi...and OREOS! Really, Pumpkin - Oreos? And I don't want to even talk about the lattes.

Anyone can see that you're out of control, and you need professional help. Yes - you need more than just a pumpkin patch, my friend - that's not going to help you kick this thing. You need rehab, and some good counselors to talk you down off of this high you're on.

Please don't cry - I know it was a great ride, and you will miss all those brand name friends you made. But this is really for the best - we'll get you back to that simple life you used to love. Aren't you tired, Pumpkin? Tired of trying to be all those things to all those people?

Aw, Pumpkin - I'm so sorry. Now you're making me cry, too. Damn, I wish I had a tissue...I can't stop...yum...pumpkin-flavored tears.

© 2015 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie