Tough Mudder

Even polka dots can't make mud look fun.

I liked the idea of it: all the promos about mudbaths laud their calming nature, the warmth, the way your body is suspended and floating and drinking in all the nutrients from the mud, which is made from volcanic ash and peat moss. Yep, that's what I said...peat moss! I think you might see where I'm going next. 

Though I was told by many friends I would love a mudbath, I couldn't get past the aroma. It smelled like cow poo. It looked like it, too! And I willingly stepped into it and sat down! And guess what else? You don't wear a bathing suit, like I thought. So you can bet your volcanic ash there were a few thoughts in my head that weren't very restful. 

Once I was "installed," the attendant put cucumber slices on my eyes and a cool towel over that. Before she left, she said something that sounded like "Enjoy your mind," which I always do, so I kind of resented being told to do that, and then I realized she probably meant "Enjoy your mud." I think the employees cover your eyes so you can't see them all go in the back room and laugh and laugh about how many people are spending a fortune to be slathered in oozy dirt that smells like a barnyard. 

I should be fair about this: They DID spray lavender scent around my head after they "blindfolded" me, and it was so much better! For around 10 seconds! And then the poo smell came back. And of course my nose started to itch, so I had to pull my arm out of the ooze (it made a sucking sound...I swear that mud was starting to absorb me) and I scratched my nose, and got some of the mud on it, and after that I was pretty sure I would never smell anything but that for the rest of my life. 

It was a long 10 minutes, during which I counted to 60 for what seemed like a million times and I was certain they were leaving me in too long, but finally I was released. Past the shower to remove the remaining mud, then the mineral bath which was pretty nice, and then the steam room - fine, too. Then they take you to another room and and wrap you up all cozy like a baby in a big soft cotton towel-like sheet, and put more cucumber slices on your eyelids (which you should never do to a real baby, because they probably wouldn't care for it). Anyway, that last part was the nicest. I could have stayed there all day, but they don't let you hang out for too long because other people need to get over the trauma of their mudbaths, too.

I'm not sorry I tried it. After all, it was an experience, and writers need to have lots of experiences, or else they have nothing to make a big deal about and get a blog post out of. Would I have another mudbath? Well, since this happened in California, where they specialize in experiences, let's just say it's right up there with ingesting appetizers from a display where a live model is the hors d'oeuvre tray.

© 2015 A Bit of Brie/Anitabrie